What I've learnt in this year

This year I went through I lot. It is not what I have expected but nevertheless I am glad I have been given this heavenly chance and I am forever indebted to my patron. For this reason I will always remember what this society have given to me and I wish some day I will become someone's patron too. I know there is a theory about the pyramid sponsorship is not as beneficial as giving out the whole lump sum to a bigger group of audience, but as someone at the receiving end, I must say, it's different. I hope one day their investment will pay off.
1. I learn that there are some very ultra-talented people in the world and everyone is special and beautiful in its way.
In Hong Kong and in my environment in particular, everyone wants to get into B-school and a job in i banking. But in Columbia, you see violinist, journalist, entrepreneur, poet, neuroscientist etc etc. Of course there are stil tons of people who want to get into i banking. But still they have a chance to study LitHum, CC etc etc I truly envy this chance of having a liberal education. When they complain to me how useless the course is, I truly truly truly wish I could be in their position to complain about that.
2. You don't need to be ultra sociable and try to be friends with everyone.
It is not a requirement for you to be friends with everyone. Some people just are not interested in you. No need to moan. Go to another group and make some other nice friends.
3. Work hard.
I thought I worked really hard in order to get into college. and I thought my college life before coming to Columbia is really really intense. Turns out I did some of my most intense study here in Columbia. A lot of readings and critical thinking. I really enjoy them because I know this is the only chance I will have in my life to do something academic as this. I will never have the chance to do it again.
4. Be kind to people.
I said that a lot before but preaching is different from teaching. You cannot learn it. You have to reflect on your own value system and be enlightened. One day you suddenly realise you could ACTUALLY really make that happen. Whatever indecent things people did to you, forgive them.
5. Sometimes life is not a box of chocolate.
It is a piece of shit sometimes. Be calm and carry on. Mentality is tricky thing.



and a lot more. It is difficult to put it in words, for a lot of things I've learnt are intangible and it's about how I deal with people. There is not one situation I can point to. More like clustered multidimensional characteristics that guide me through ups and downs.

Peace of mind and peace of emotion.

心中常歡喜

一進來的時候，對於哥大的期望有點落差。在香港是天之驕子，來到這發覺原來無人有興趣認識你。其實應該一早知道，國際學校的圈子，我是進不下去。只是沒想著人會如此現實，在課堂上想你常幫助，下課呢，卻覺得在你旁邊有失身份。我許是做了錯事，可對於他們的對待，著實有過不愉快的時候。
久了，想通了。大學何其大，沒有這群朋友，還有另一群。我不卑不亢，也不求你或看不起你。毋庸對人太熱情或冷淡，那些傻瓜的時刻太high school 吧。
人總有追求，可是得一卻得不到二，有時會表現得很desperate. 港女，或港男，對感情，都未免如此。要時刻提醒自己，不可如斯這般，淡定淡定。心中需常歡喜，心善則臉亦會善起來。以往未免年少太輕狂，燄氣戾氣全寫在眼中的得意。幸好福大命大，沒遇上甚麼小心眼去設計我的，不然小女定必大難臨頭。人大了，懂得人前人後都留點情面，你雖對我不好，可是我本著良心，還是會對你好的。收斂下來，就更覺可親。
切記切記，心中常歡喜！

她

她嘛，說起來，故事有點糾結。
話說在某年的夏天。那一年，香港特別的熱，毒辣的陽光把滾滾的草曬得深綠深綠，油油的見不到底。城裡依舊是喧鬧喧鬧的，當不了真。像在舞台上霓虹射著似的，她的故事，她的命，當不了真。
她應當是當個平凡的。二月底的份，她媽托著鄰家的七姨，給她去黃大仙問的。這女兒啊，是要捧在掌心的，又加了幾聲噥噥的呢喃，算命的說著。黃媽啊，要好好護著這個嬌的，七姨順勢附著，這些年女孩子要能幹還是要歸宿，還是要清楚的啊。
她在旁聽著，不覺不覺像在作著一場夢。那下午的悶熱，把她昏得頭暈腦脹。三四叔公的叮嚀，二姨丈的祝告…一大堆密密麻麻，像個蠶繭。一句句的，像祝福，又像咒怨。在她腦裡，像個隱去的幽靈穿鑿穿鑿，拈左拈右，蘇蘇軟軟好不煩心。去了又怎樣，沒有去又不怎樣，她在想。
她從香港乘著了飛機，來到紐約。見到了甚麼甚麼人，全都放在心上。想起了白先勇筆下的留學生，想起了仙遊的外祖父，想起許許多多的陌路人。你以為現在是甚麼年代啊，寒窗苦讀啊，呸，她在腦裡狠狠的道了一下。人嘛，不好天真一下，許會開心一點。委屈，魯迅說的，原來不只我委屈，爸媽都很委屈，一家人過得齷齪，是要讓人瞧不起的，母親說。你憑著一點小聰明，過去要提防。提防！她臉蛋兒上的一雙敏脫的眼睛，像驚弓，像躍兔，翼翼的打量眼前。
紐約不是倫敦，不是個精緻的蛋糕。十字的路口，藏不住口舌和貧婪，滋著一般柔柔的力，在空中很得意。地鐵裡，公路底，在店內瑟縮的一角，是一縷縷，活的、長著的命。猶太人、黑人、印度人、中國人、韓國人，全都添上了點點的自豪，他們心裡清楚，這城，是要興旺的。那城遠遠的望去，像個騰伸的爪，在黑夜裡亮得刺眼，蚜櫛 上活動活動，筋和絡，有沸沸的人聲，像個食人的森林。
坐在星巴克，她感到很不自在。 在香港，她是從來不往裡頭鑽的。她卑視那些崇洋的人，自以為去星巴克好高級，故有文化虛榮得要很。縮在窗邊的一角，她變成了透明的顏色。只坐著，甚麼也不說，不問，每人都有問題，每人都有意見，許這兒太多意見，她腦裡似是長了隔離膜。你們管著吵，反正她是外人，靜靜看。她沒有意見，沒有所謂。
沒有所謂。甚麼於她來說，都沒有所謂。她不說甚麼，也沒有想要甚麼甚麼。只靜靜的閒著。